My Kripalu
When my favorite yoga center in Lee, MA, closed for a year due to Covid-19, I felt the interruption keenly, sadly imagining its empty halls devoid of the happy chatter of purposeful yogis walking from class to workshop to the dining hall. I imagined what would happen when Kripalu re-opened - would it look and feel the same? Or totally different? When it finally did, I realized I needed to attend one day of Retreat and Renewal as soon as possible, with gratitude that Kripalu includes this one-day option, as I have taken advantage of it many times.
The morning that I walk onto the grounds, after a 6:30 intermediate morning yoga class and a warm, delicious, silent breakfast, I feel my soul exhale. I empty myself out. I let go of me, the me that was cynical and burned out. Now I am here, at home and at peace, reaching and stretching into yoga poses, rolling on the floor and swirling with scarves in a playful, workshop to connect with the elements, and enjoying my meals with a view of the lake and the mountains through the window.
I am familiar with the calming indoor spaces of Kripalu, but for the first time, I do something new – I walk out the back doors and spend a slightly rainy, muddy time in Kripalu’s outside spaces with no agenda but to wander and explore. Immediately, I connect to a powerfully calming source of energy. I accept the quiet, open invitation to walk and discover places previously unknown, like Swami Kripalu’s garden at the top of a flight of stairs in the wood. I slip down fairy-tale trails that follow the singing of rushing brooks, I cross tiny wooden bridges, and I walk the pine tree labyrinth while repeating the mantra, “I. Love. You.” with every single step. All of it allows me to drop the negativity in my head for the day and reconnect to a version of me that I used to know -- or maybe this is a newly minted me, who wakes at 5:30 am to be on the mat by 6:30 am, takes 3 yoga classes in one day, and stays through the final workshop that ends at 8:30 before getting back on the road. I do it all with a full smile on my face and a quiet, calm in my heart that has been long absent.
That first visit back to Kripalu was in April, I bundled in layers when going outside to explore. I headed home with a handful of papers and drawings from my workshops, looking forward to learning and growing even more with my next visit. I returned in May with warmer winds and less clothing. I follow routines with each visit: browsing the gift store and buying treasures for myself, such as a pale green Kripalu racerback tank, books on grief and self-compassion, a journal of personal discovery, and a gorgeously illustrated deck of Goddess Tarot cards inspired by the Everyday Tarot workshop. After every class and workshop, I head straight out the front doors to plop down in one of the Adirondack chairs facing the iconic view of the lake and the mountains with the sun baking my face and body. Strolling across the lawn, I spot a swinging bench from a tree, and I lie down in it and give the ground a good push with my foot, swinging back and forth, back and forth, feeling fully supported. And along with many others who may be thinking of a loved one, I leave behind a tiny stone or crystal at the statues of Ganesh, Quan Yin, and the little angel at center of the labyrinth, in memory of my son, Andrew. He came with me once to Kripalu, a summer long ago. I have a sweet image of him in a Tai Chi class, up on a hillside, at the back of the group in his own space, gently engaging in slow, mindful movements.
Back in my own space, my home practice comes alive again with prop upgrades. I roll out a new thick mat in dark ocean blue, two velvet-gray blocks, a bulky blanket, and a firm but soft bolster, all of which support the newness of my falling in love again with yoga. From the wisdom and insights gained from yoga retreats to recharging my spirit and re-starting my home practice, I cherish it all as I deepen the yoga side of me. I keep my promise to make monthly visits to Kripalu, to be warmed and comforted by all the familiar sights while exploring all that is new in this wonderful, welcoming place that invites me to be myself, whoever I am, moment to moment.
